you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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