somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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