Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
