Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
