Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Everything about him screamed your future.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
