Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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