Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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