both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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