You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
