Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
