I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
