Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
