I feel great
I just peed on a car
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
