Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so much tequila, so little girl.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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