She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
