did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
