Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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