Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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