I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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