Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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