As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
