community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
