I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
