I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
