It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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