I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I deserve this hangover.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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