You just made me feel so damn special
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I bet he comes in French.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are two peas in an std pod
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
