i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
