I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
