My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
