i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
