i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
