I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
