we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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