That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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