Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Someone signed my nipple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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