just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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