those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
