its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
