Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
