I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
