it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
