Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She even gives head with a lisp.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
