just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
