my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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