shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
