and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
