During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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