I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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