That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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