Sry I called you an 8
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
