i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
