just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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