I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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