She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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