tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
