I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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