I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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