Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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